26 Days until my last day of work.
OR 624 Hours
49 Days until I leave for Philadelphia.
OR 1176 Hours
51 Days until I leave for Georgia.
OR 1224 Hours
___
33 Letters in the Georgian alphabet
14 Letters in the Georgian alphabet that I know
2 Words in the Georgian alphabet that I can reliably remember
2 Pots of green tea a day (on average)
3am Average hour I finally fall asleep at night
... and I'm tired and I don't think in numbers .......
..... and I'm really not this neurotic I swear!
lunes, 5 de marzo de 2012
viernes, 2 de marzo de 2012
Why Waitressing is like Babysitting Preschoolers
1) Sharing (or inability thereof) - This one gets me all the time. At Chili's, we give everybody rolled silverware with two forks and a knife. Sometimes, say, if there are two of you there but one friend is still on her way, I might accidentally give you two setups instead of three. I always drop silverware with extra napkins. Now here's what I don't get: if two of you get burgers and one gets a salad, why are you asking me for another setup? You have four forks and two knives between three people at a casual dining restaurant. Two people in this scenario even have food intended to be eaten by hand. How is this a problem, exactly? This totally drives me crazy all the time.
2) Can't Read - Okay, the rest of your table ordered their soup. You pretty much just heard our whole soup list spelled out by your mother, father, younger sister, and awkward friend yet you insist on staring at the soup list on the menu, looking puzzled, and then requesting that I verbally list off the soups for you. I understand that you are stressed out, that you feel pressed for time, and that the pressure of choosing right now is almost too much for you to handle and you must find a way to buy yourself some time in order to make this decision, but for God's sake it's just a bowl of soup. Please just pick one.
3) Can't Plan for Future - Much like a preschooler who looks outside at a cold rainy day and picks shorts and a tank top because she likes the colors, you, No Water Dude, are incapable of planning for the future. When I come by and ask what you'd like to drink and you tell me "nothing", that no, you're "fine", I do not believe you. After all, you plan on spending the next 40 minutes imitating a camel in the middle of our restaurant oasis-- a land filled with diet coke and water-with-lemon-light-on-ice. Invariably, ten minutes into this useless test of your own willpower, you pick the most inopportune moment to cave and decide you are thirsty thus ensuring that I must make a separate trip just for you.
4) Useless Temper Tantrums - This section is for the Crazy Soup Lady. Although she, in all her Crazy Soup glory does not, unfortunately, demonstrate the entire, spectacular range of useless temper tantrums, I like to think that she symbolizes them. Because we have all had the Crazy Soup Lady. You know the one I'm talking about. She's 45, on a perpetual diet, and comes in wired-for-sound on black coffee. She doesn't like anything and, more than that, she takes everything that she doesn't like personally. Her soup is never hot enough and she never has enough napkins. Also, she has a speck in her water.
5) Can't Do Simple Math - Okay, every server ever complains about this so it's not like I can leave it out. You have a freaking calculator on your phone for Christ's sake. If you can spend the entire meal playing Angry Birds on your phone and ignoring the human being you came out to socialize with, you can take the 30 seconds to calculate your portion of the bill and the tip. I'm looking at you, college-age boys who get water and still make me split the check on a 2 for 20. (With tax, one of you is paying $10.77 and one of you is paying $10.78, aren't I allowed to just tell you that by now?)
6) Living in a Fantasy World - If you ask me if our sirloin is tender and I tell you "yes" and then you stare me down ... and THEN order it well-done, I am going to judge you. It doesn't even matter if I eat meat or not. And don't you dare ask why it's taking so long.
Also, this category is for the people who do hilarious, completely illogical things. Like those 21 year old guys who thought they were supposed to take the Gran Marnier for their cadillac margaritas as a shot (I look over and they're acting tough going "yeah, see, that was good")!
Or like the lady who drunkenly came up to me and insisted that her food come out on plates.
And, everybody, when I come by and sweetly say that the kitchen is closed, this is not your cue to wait ten minutes and then ask if you can get a Molten.
7) Messy - Do you or your kids even eat? Really, do you? And I get that parenting is hard, I do! But all you have to do is set the sugar caddy up on one of our zillion ledges. Your kids are three. They have, like, four inch arms or something. Putting the salt and pepper out of their reach is truly a doable thing. The parents across from you are doing it.
8) Weird Ass Art Projects - This is actually a subcategory of (or even an exception to) number seven. Honestly, I don't care what you create as long as you keep it on a plate so that I can conveniently dump it in the trash. I am not paying for the Splenda, salt, or ketchup. Although I do think that my tip should go up by $5 for every sugar caddy that you empty just for your sculpting pleasure.
2) Can't Read - Okay, the rest of your table ordered their soup. You pretty much just heard our whole soup list spelled out by your mother, father, younger sister, and awkward friend yet you insist on staring at the soup list on the menu, looking puzzled, and then requesting that I verbally list off the soups for you. I understand that you are stressed out, that you feel pressed for time, and that the pressure of choosing right now is almost too much for you to handle and you must find a way to buy yourself some time in order to make this decision, but for God's sake it's just a bowl of soup. Please just pick one.
3) Can't Plan for Future - Much like a preschooler who looks outside at a cold rainy day and picks shorts and a tank top because she likes the colors, you, No Water Dude, are incapable of planning for the future. When I come by and ask what you'd like to drink and you tell me "nothing", that no, you're "fine", I do not believe you. After all, you plan on spending the next 40 minutes imitating a camel in the middle of our restaurant oasis-- a land filled with diet coke and water-with-lemon-light-on-ice. Invariably, ten minutes into this useless test of your own willpower, you pick the most inopportune moment to cave and decide you are thirsty thus ensuring that I must make a separate trip just for you.
4) Useless Temper Tantrums - This section is for the Crazy Soup Lady. Although she, in all her Crazy Soup glory does not, unfortunately, demonstrate the entire, spectacular range of useless temper tantrums, I like to think that she symbolizes them. Because we have all had the Crazy Soup Lady. You know the one I'm talking about. She's 45, on a perpetual diet, and comes in wired-for-sound on black coffee. She doesn't like anything and, more than that, she takes everything that she doesn't like personally. Her soup is never hot enough and she never has enough napkins. Also, she has a speck in her water.
5) Can't Do Simple Math - Okay, every server ever complains about this so it's not like I can leave it out. You have a freaking calculator on your phone for Christ's sake. If you can spend the entire meal playing Angry Birds on your phone and ignoring the human being you came out to socialize with, you can take the 30 seconds to calculate your portion of the bill and the tip. I'm looking at you, college-age boys who get water and still make me split the check on a 2 for 20. (With tax, one of you is paying $10.77 and one of you is paying $10.78, aren't I allowed to just tell you that by now?)
6) Living in a Fantasy World - If you ask me if our sirloin is tender and I tell you "yes" and then you stare me down ... and THEN order it well-done, I am going to judge you. It doesn't even matter if I eat meat or not. And don't you dare ask why it's taking so long.
Also, this category is for the people who do hilarious, completely illogical things. Like those 21 year old guys who thought they were supposed to take the Gran Marnier for their cadillac margaritas as a shot (I look over and they're acting tough going "yeah, see, that was good")!
Or like the lady who drunkenly came up to me and insisted that her food come out on plates.
And, everybody, when I come by and sweetly say that the kitchen is closed, this is not your cue to wait ten minutes and then ask if you can get a Molten.
7) Messy - Do you or your kids even eat? Really, do you? And I get that parenting is hard, I do! But all you have to do is set the sugar caddy up on one of our zillion ledges. Your kids are three. They have, like, four inch arms or something. Putting the salt and pepper out of their reach is truly a doable thing. The parents across from you are doing it.
8) Weird Ass Art Projects - This is actually a subcategory of (or even an exception to) number seven. Honestly, I don't care what you create as long as you keep it on a plate so that I can conveniently dump it in the trash. I am not paying for the Splenda, salt, or ketchup. Although I do think that my tip should go up by $5 for every sugar caddy that you empty just for your sculpting pleasure.
domingo, 26 de febrero de 2012
Zoey
She's just sleeping at my feet. She alternates between insane hyperactivity and hopeless lethargy with almost no in-between. I need to get her some exercise, my poor baby. I do not think she likes this new sleepless, packing, obsessive paperwork-doing, crash napping version of her momma. She never leaves me, though. She just waits.
Why can't I pack my dog?
Why can't I pack my dog?
sábado, 25 de febrero de 2012
So Stressed Out
Went to the bank today. It was closed.
Went to Costco to get passport photos. Accidentally wore tank top. In fine print on the PC Passport App. it says no tank tops. Did not figure this out until I was home and they were all cut up and I was about to send off the paperwork.
Headache.
Small things seem big today. Packing feels overwhelming. Moving seems insane and not real.
Went to Costco to get passport photos. Accidentally wore tank top. In fine print on the PC Passport App. it says no tank tops. Did not figure this out until I was home and they were all cut up and I was about to send off the paperwork.
Headache.
Small things seem big today. Packing feels overwhelming. Moving seems insane and not real.
viernes, 24 de febrero de 2012
Things People Say ... at work.
"Is there avocado in your guacamole?"
"What's in the Bacon Ranch Chicken Quesadilla?"
"Do you guys have water?"
"What are sliced tomatoes?"
"My shirt was wet and I didn't have time to dry it ... so I tried putting it in the microwave ..."
"What's in the Bacon Ranch Chicken Quesadilla?"
"Do you guys have water?"
"What are sliced tomatoes?"
"My shirt was wet and I didn't have time to dry it ... so I tried putting it in the microwave ..."
"Why did you join the Peace Corps just to go to Atlanta?"
Country: Georgia (crossroads of Eastern Europe & Western Asia)
Staging Dates: Apr. 23-24
Pre-Service Training: Apr. 25-July 14
Dates of Service: July 14, 2012 - July 13, 2014
Assignment: Secondary English Teacher
Language: Georgian
Apparently one of the oldest languages in the world. The Georgian alphabet is thought to have been created in the 4th century BC. It is a unique language, not similar to any other language.
It kind of looks like the Roman alphabet done cursive ... with a little bit of Arabic thrown in for style. There are no capital letters, articles, or gender markers. Also, they string consonants together like crazy.
ცხვირი, (tskhviri), "nose"
რძე , (rdze), "milk"
ჩრდილოეთი, (črdiloeti), "north"
Things I have to do:
PAPERWORK.
PACK.
MORE PAPERWORK.
QUIT JOB.
MORE PAPERWORK.
SHOP FOR CLOTHES.
PACK.
MORE PAPERWORK.
PANIC.MORE PAPERWORK.
miércoles, 22 de febrero de 2012
Waiting on the Mail
At my grandma's house, the mail comes between 9:00 am and 9:30 am. I have been living here for over two years and I never knew that before. In fact, I've never known what time the mail came before, ever. I mean, seriously, that is why we have the internet.
I have never waited for the mailman before in my life. Really, it must be kind of depressing to be the mailman nowadays. Nobody waits for the mail. Nobody's life hangs in the balance of a letter. JC Penny doesn't even send out ads anymore. The only people who care are high school seniors. And me.
Because here I sat, at the kitchen table, drinking tea and waiting on a mailman. Very 1950's. He was ten minutes late. And my letter did not come.
I have been waiting on my letter since February 16th, the day they updated my status on the Peace Corps website to "invited". And do you know how completely unhelpful that was? Because "invited" is ALL IT SAYS. Thank you, US Government, for telling me that I will, in fact, be leaving to live in a foreign country for the next 2.5 years of my life and then not taking the .5 second to type in the name and departure date. You bothered to tell me that you mailed my letter on Valentines Day, though. So now all I can do is sit here and worry.
Maybe the letter got lost. Maybe the update is a mistake. Maybe it never got mailed. Maybe while I'm waiting my spot will go to somebody else. Maybe this is all a conspiracy orchestrated by the government to keep me working as a Chili's waitress for the REST OF MY LIFE. Because, did you know that it is WEDNESDAY THE TWENTY SECOND? And my letter was mailed on TUESDAY THE FOURTEENTH? Where is this letter right now??? On a horse-drawn carriage moving at a gallop through Ohio???????
AHHHH!!!!!! There he is on the other side of the street! Maybe I should run out and demand that he check again!
I have never waited for the mailman before in my life. Really, it must be kind of depressing to be the mailman nowadays. Nobody waits for the mail. Nobody's life hangs in the balance of a letter. JC Penny doesn't even send out ads anymore. The only people who care are high school seniors. And me.
Because here I sat, at the kitchen table, drinking tea and waiting on a mailman. Very 1950's. He was ten minutes late. And my letter did not come.
I have been waiting on my letter since February 16th, the day they updated my status on the Peace Corps website to "invited". And do you know how completely unhelpful that was? Because "invited" is ALL IT SAYS. Thank you, US Government, for telling me that I will, in fact, be leaving to live in a foreign country for the next 2.5 years of my life and then not taking the .5 second to type in the name and departure date. You bothered to tell me that you mailed my letter on Valentines Day, though. So now all I can do is sit here and worry.
Maybe the letter got lost. Maybe the update is a mistake. Maybe it never got mailed. Maybe while I'm waiting my spot will go to somebody else. Maybe this is all a conspiracy orchestrated by the government to keep me working as a Chili's waitress for the REST OF MY LIFE. Because, did you know that it is WEDNESDAY THE TWENTY SECOND? And my letter was mailed on TUESDAY THE FOURTEENTH? Where is this letter right now??? On a horse-drawn carriage moving at a gallop through Ohio???????
AHHHH!!!!!! There he is on the other side of the street! Maybe I should run out and demand that he check again!
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